The Honeymoon Is Over!
The luster of being “Safer At Home” has worn off. The creative, innovative, inspired moments of family togetherness, online learning, Spring cleaning, gourmet cooking, yoga, learning a new language and yes, even virtual cocktail parties on Zoom, have given way to sibling bickering, short tempers, lethargic moping around the house and junk food binging. The Honeymoon is over sweetheart, we’re back to “Effing Ebbing It” (see my post from January 3rd if you’re unclear on the concept)!!
“Safer At Home” seems perhaps a poorly chosen moniker for Wisconsin’s “Shelter in Place” policy. Last week, as I watched my kids trying to “optimize the quarantine” by coming up with their own “JackAss” dares and stupid stunts out in the yard, I wondered to myself “Are we really safer at home?” Wisconsin residents probably have a higher per capita inventory of guns, archery equipment, four wheelers, farm tractors, fishing lures, sex toys, lawn darts, wood splitters, knitting needles, “Bedazzlers” and glue guns than most other states – so the odds of personal injuries on the home-front during this “Safer At Home” mandate may indeed outweigh the odds of getting a serious case of COVID19. Therefore, I for one am “Embracing the Ebb” this week and happy to see my kids lacking motivation – even if just for a few days.
I spoke with two friends who said they had complete family blow ups this week – and our family was no different. None of us need to air our dirty laundry – but I think it’s okay and healthy when we can all admit that our families have issues – big and small – that get ignored, buried or judged and then, add say, oh a month of “Shelter In Place” to the mix and maybe a little dose of “too much family time”, a dash of some college teenagers wanting to test the limits and a heavy pour of some parents who want to dig their heels in on house rules and, ladies and gentlemen, you have an age old recipe for a Time Bomb: if one hasn’t dropped on your house yet, just wait! But unlike an actual bomb that leaves a pile of rubble, the family or marital explosion can actually lead each involved person to a new appreciation for different perspectives within our familial relationships and open up avenues for new conversations – I always say, “let’s just keep talking,” which of course is one of my issues that is personally driving the rest of the family crazy right now!
I bought a fat suit costume on Amazon today. When you’re “Effing Ebbing It” a fat suit just seems like something that might be fun to have in inventory. Actually, I have ideas brewing. No, I won’t go down in history with the likes of Einstein and Shakespeare as using this quarantine time to discover the next dimension, write a novel that will transcend time or solve some quantum physics equation – but a fat suit might definitely come into play.
Based on the notches that Jeff has scratched into our wooden headboard (think “days without food” or something similar), we are now on Day 23 of The Lockdown – our tally started on March 10th, the day that New York announced that the National Guard would be moving into New Rochelle, NY to set up a containment zone. Jeff and I had unknowingly just narrowly escaped New Rochelle on Sunday, March 8th after a bender 50th birthday celebration with a Gatsby theme – which was, in hindsight, eerily fitting. We left the combat zone bringing the virus, major hangovers and a weird combination of celebrity/pariah status with us. But on March 8th, who knew? Well, yes, we were quite aware of the hangovers.
And now, 23 days later, I am considered “Fully Recovered” but still “Safer at Home” and find myself restless and buying a fat suit on Amazon. Funny the things you do after 23 days of “sheltering in place.” After the fat suit “One Click Purchase” was confirmed, I took my “fully recovered” self with Grace to Target to pump some additional money into our failing economy. While the customer traffic was light, we were by no means the only people in the store – others are also apparently restless from “Staying Safe At Home.” As I walked the aisles of Target, knowing that I had had this disease that is effecting so many people very differently, I wondered whether I should have a giant, Red Letter “C” pinned on my front for all to see. Nahhh, I thought to myself, that would just lead some disgruntled customer to call me a “C%#T” after I took the last package of toilet paper off the almost empty shelf. Better to leave people all guessing about each other rather than blurting out the “C” word in public places! That’s the upside of being an Early Adopter of the virus…I don’t need to worry what anyone else’s status is – as others give suspicious side-glances and re-wipe the handles of their shopping carts with a Clorox wipe, I freely load extraneous items into my cart as a patriotic gesture to the nation. I mean, “Money don’t spend itself” right? Vitamin C Caviar Balm? I have no idea what this is, but it absolutely seems necessary right now, as does a Plush Octopus dog toy that will be shredded within 24 hours by my three Yellow Labs. Self-tanning lotion – why not? Spring break was a bust for many – might as well get a glow somehow. How about a new set of placemats and matching napkins to freshen up the kitchen table during all of these family dinners we’re having? Done. Throw pillows for Grace’s bed? “Sure honey – why not!” In hindsight, the boys would be sad that they missed Mom’s carefree Target “spree-for-all.” Ultimately, it was Grace who got concerned – “should we really be spending all of this money,” she asked? “Sweetheart, we are doing our civic duty. I failed sewing class in 7th grade – I am not qualified to sew medical masks or hospital gowns, but I CAN help Target’s sell-through numbers so that maybe a few people still have their jobs when we are all finally allowed to re-enter the world together.” I smiled widely, but it faded quickly since deep down I had this sinking, depressed feeling. The truth is, I really did fail sewing class in 7th grade and now, all these years later, I am feeling pretty crappy and helpless that I can’t seem to do more right now to help the situation.
We’ve sent donations to our church, to a woman in Williams Bay who has rallied a team of seamstresses to sew masks and medical gowns, to a similar organization in Chicago that is making masks for New York hospitals, to a Chicago homeless and women’s shelter because domestic abuse is on the rise (you think??) and to many well-serving non-profits whose annual fundraisers have now been canceled. We dropped off clothing and food donations to our local shelter. We called our county health coordinator to see if we could donate blood so that our newly formed COVID19 anti-bodies could be used to help virus patients with serious cases – they had no clue how to do that in our area and said to call the Red Cross. Jeff called the Red Cross – and they had nothing set up for donating for COVID anti-bodies but said that the next available Blood Drive near us will be held in mid-May. Really? And we are working from home – attending virtual Zoom meetings and participating in conference calls. But mostly we feel a bit irrelevant and somewhat useless.
And I think that’s where the biggest part of the Ebb is coming from right now for those of us in less affected areas. We are told that the best way we can help is by “flattening the curve” and staying home. But that is like telling a highly trained Marine that he will be doing everyone a favor if he goes and sits in the bunker while the battle is being fought. Before this virus descended upon us all, the economy was humming and unemployment was at a historic low – and those of us in the workforce (including stay-at-home parents who are very much in the workforce) felt relevant and that we were adding value. We had extended families, friends, local businesses, community organizations, sporting teams and schools that we supported – and the bustle of meetings with vendors and customers, keeping manufacturing plants running and feeling satisfied as shipments got loaded onto trucks and hauled away to their destinations, teacher conferences, tennis league, gym workouts, fundraising meetings, business trips, after-school sports games, music lessons, dance lessons, lunch with friends, coffee with a work colleague, event planning, board meetings, church volunteering, men’s night, ladies night, date night – all of these things gave us purpose each day and made us feel valued and needed. And now we are being told that the best way we can contribute is to “shelter in place” and sit on the sidelines. No one ever likes being benched.
Human beings and especially Americans are at their best in a crisis or working frantically to meet a deadline – why do we think that most of us are procrastinators? Why are we surprised that no one was prepared ahead of time for this pandemic? Because the world works in an “On time delivery” mode. Like the great racehorse Secretariat in the 1973 Kentucky Derby, we like to win by coming from behind. The doctors, nurses and other heroic health care workers of New York, New Jersey, Michigan, New Orleans, L.A. and other harder hit areas are all rising to the occasion – and we are all cheering them on and inspired by their courage and perseverance. But we also want in on the action, to feel useful.
Some people believe that thinking about the economy and the havoc we have wreaked upon it is selfish and financially greedy. But wanting to keep people working and the economy humming isn’t really about money or greed – but rather about feeling purposeful, valued and in the game.
For many of us who are “fully recovered” or strong and healthy in less affected areas, we want to get back in the game. And more and more people in the hard-hit areas are going to be “fully recovered” in the weeks ahead and wanting to give back as well. The Wall Street Journal published an OpEd piece on April 2nd titled “Got Coronavirus Antibodies?” Which focuses on the importance of widespread anti-body testing and even issuing “Certificates of Immunity.” I sincerely hope this starts to happen – and soon. We want to stop being regarded as “pariahs” and start again to add value, to help where we can, to contribute to the effort of defeating this virus. And we want to contribute to what it means to be an American. And for many of us, from students doing distant learning for school to adults working from home, this “Shelter In Place” mandate is reinforcing the importance and high value we all place on face to face contact and physically being together.
Let’s be honest, I’ll never understand how to use a glue gun or a “BeDazzler.” The Honeymoon is over and I for one am eager to get out of the “Virtual World” and back into the “Real World.”
P.S. If you want to feel inspired, click here and watch Secretariat’s record breaking run of the 1973 Kentucky Derby. And if you want to laugh at the honeymoon being over, click the second video.
Get Real. Celebrate The Possibility. Celebrate The Moment.
- EWE BEE U
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